Posted by: thehungryrunner | June 19, 2009

On the light side: Your exercise program MAY have jumped the shark IF….

See, this is what happens when a scheduled outdoor run gets RAINED IN.  The mind runs amok in lieu of the body running outside.  But the energy has to go somewhere, so I hereby present the following:

Your current exercise program MAY have “jumped the shark” (or need a makeover) IF…..

  • When people ask about your exercise program, your response is, “Oh yeah. That.”
  • You don’t remember the last time it was modified or updated.
  • You DO remember the last time it was modified, and it was when the show Magnum P.I. was still in first run.
  • Your exercise manual was written by a guy asking you if you’re sick and tired of having sand kicked in your face when you’re at the beach.
  • Your “self pep talk” during the workout has become, “It’s ok…That which doesn’t kill me makes me stronger!”
  • You’re relieved when you see your colonoscopy appointment will occur in place of your regularly scheduled exercise session.
  • The exercise leader in the video is doing high-impact aerobics barefoot or stocking footed.
  • The program’s tagline is “No pain, no gain!”
  • The night before a workout day starts to feel like Sunday night when you were in school.
  • “It must be 15 minutes before workout” now replaces “It must be that time of the month” as the likely explanation for your mood swings.
  • You pull out your exercise mat, only to come up with oddball chores that you suddenly MUST attend to NOW (“Oh shoot! I keep meaning to alphabetize my book collection!”).
  • You begin to fantasize about Role Reversal Day, when it will be YOUR turn to make your trainer do 50,000 crunches while chanting “I love abs!”
  • You start doing Google searches for studies entitled, “Study shows you burn more calories on the couch than running a 5K”
  • You find it much more enjoyable to sit down and WATCH the workout video, maybe even with a bowl of popcorn, and can’t believe you never thought of this before.
  • The person who created the workout is now a contestant on The Biggest Loser.
  • Your home equipment might possibly have been in an ad from a 1982 issue of Better Homes and Gardens.  Or worse, you BOUGHT that equipment through that 1982 ad in Better Homes and Gardens.
  • You begin watching late-night fitness infomercials. And wonder….”Maybe it’s not such a far-fetched idea?  After all, it’s STILL 6-minutes of exercise….”
  • You’re seriously considering renouncing all worldly goods and joining a monastery, as 15 hours of meditation sounds more appealing than yet another round of your 30-minute gym circuit.
  • More than once you have fallen asleep during a workout (and it’s not while in Savasana in yoga!).
  • You’re entertaining the thought of working out for 3 hours on a Sunday, in an attempt to bank up on your “quota” and skip out on exercising the rest of the week.
  • You’re using an exercise program in a magazine that includes recipes made with a “NEW” artificial sweetener called aspartame/Equal.
  • You know the workout so well, right down to the instructor’s exact cues, that you now routinely incorporate the entire workout into your dreams, dialogue and all.  (If only doing so would burn more calories as you sleep!)

And last but NOT least….

  • Your idea of “hitting the gym” has been reduced to pulling up into a parking space, walking up to the building, giving one of the bricks a light “whack” with your palm….then getting back into the car and driving home.

Now aren’t you hoping for a clearing of the weather just as much as I am?  The “running mind” is clearly far more troublesome than the “running body”!

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Responses

  1. Yes – I do believe you are due for some time with nature. Clears the senses.


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